A Little Fun with Davy and Io

By Kammy Gaffney




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"Aw, come on...all work and no play makes a Davy a dull boy." Iolaus seemed to be leaning casually against the New York skyline, separated from a thirty-three-floor plunge by a window so polished, it was nearly invisible.

"Iolaus, get out of here before you get me in trouble." The lanky blond drakthos glared at incubus in total frustration.

"But Mark's not even here! There's no better time to play hookey. Come on, we can go to a bar or something... if you feel really guilty, you can always come back later." Iolanthe's male form was no less intimidating (or gorgeous) fully dressed, but Davy appreciated the effort he'd made. Faded jeans clung to the long legs, and he was wearing a black tee shirt with a small, familiar-looking wizard logo printed on the front. It was just snug enough to show off his well-defined chest. Davy squinted at it.

"Hey, isn't that my company tee shirt?"

"Yup. If you don't want me to wear your clothes, you shouldn't leave them strewn about my apartment."

Davy scowled. "Well, I think it's a bit small for you. And I don't strew - but I do recall picking up a few of your things on occasion. Personally, I think you stole it."

Iolaus chuckled. "That's what boyfriends are for. And I don't think strew is a word, is it? Now come on, get your cute little ass in gear! It's a beautiful day! Bacchus knows we probably don't have many of those left."

"Hurry, up, it's a beautiful day, let's go and sit inside of a bar?" Davy questioned, but he pushed his paperwork aside and got up anyway. "Oh, what the hell."

"You first." Iolaus stepped back and gave Davy a sweeping bow, motioning to the window that opened up to the catwalk/landing pad that ran outside of his office.

The vampire folded his arms and gave him a stubborn look. "Iolaus, I swear, if you pounce on me..."

The incubus gave him an innocent look. "Who, me? I was just being polite."

Davy shrugged and stepped out onto the catwalk, spreading his dark leathery wings as he went. Iolaus gave his rear a good hard grab. Davy let out a startled squawk, slipped off the ledge, and fell several stories before he caught himself, sailing back up into the surprisingly clear autumn sky to glare at the incubus. "Dammit, Io!"

Iolaus gave him a wicked smile, and tossed a mane of violet hair that any rock star would gladly give his right arm for - and still call it a bargain. "Oops."

Davy sighed. What the hell could he do? He couldn't very well demand that his girlfriend not play with him at all while she was male. Io was showing surprising restraint as it was. She had to do time as an incubus, there was absolutely no getting around it. He'd simply have to grin and bear it, and try not to piss Iolaus off too badly in the meantime. Surely he could do that much. Nevertheless Davy had a feeling that this was going to be a very long day.

* * * * *

After some heated "discussion", they decided on The Neverland Club, a small dark establishment that had once served as a speakeasy during the Prohibition. It catered to fae and humankind alike, and it was one of Davy's favorite haunts. It was not an easy place to find. Even having been there more than a few times, it took him a moment to spot its entrance, an innocuous, somewhat battered, dark green steel door set on a narrow blind alley. He rang the buzzer, and someone pushed the door open for them. Davy's nostrils twitched, and the cool air, scented with more than a hint of cigarette smoke, alcohol, and perfume, made him sneeze.

"Bless you," murmured an elderly black gentleman in a bowtie. A black bowler hat rested on his lap, and a cane leaned against his stool. Davy gave him a polite little bow. The dapper little human flashed the couple a wide, white grin, and went back to his chess match. The gray-bearded, bald-headed dwarf that was playing against him merely nodded, peering at them with watery blue eyes over his wire-rimmed spectacles.

The pair received only a few looks as they slid onto stools, next to a few chattering young women wearing slinky, expensive-looking slip-dresses, and the bartender nimbly jumped up on a step stool to get their order. Another dwarf, he was also bald, but dark-skinned, goateed, bushy-browed, with huge brawny arms and a chest that strained the buttons of his shirt to the bursting point underneath his apron. He was polishing a glass with a hand towel, and he shot Davy a fierce grin. "Hey, Sartain, what's up - what can I get for you guys?"

"Hey, Bernard, how about two of your special honey brews?" Davy glanced at Iolaus, and added, "Better start a tab." And then, as the dwarf nimbly stepped down, kicked his stepstool, and hopped back up to snag more glasses and put them under the tap, Davy turned to Iolaus and grinned. "I know you're not a beer fan, but wait until you try this stuff, it's the best."

"Hey, wanna add a bottle of rum to that tab?" Iolaus grinned back. "I don't know how far I can trust the taste buds of a guy who lives on blood." Davy gave him a little shove.

"Hey, I've got excellent taste, and you damn well know it. Have you even figured out yet that your tongue can be used for anything other than kissing?"

Iolaus gave him a mischievous look. "You know full well to what uses my tongue can be put - and that kissing is only the tip of the iceberg."

Davy blushed scarlet, and when the frosty cold mug slid into his hand, he raised it high, and gulped it. Then he looked at Io out of the corner of his eye.

Mmm... this is good." Iolaus had a foam mustache. He caught the vampire looking at him, and slowly, lasciviously, licked it away. Davy's blush returned, even more intensely, and he raised his empty mug. "Can I get another one of these?"

"Better take it easy there, sweetie."

"Hey, this was your idea. And if you're gonna spend the entire evening being evil and calling me sweetie, I'm going to drink until I don't care anymore."

"Sounds good to me."

That still doesn't give you license to molest me, though."

"Aw... bummer."


"Just kidding."

* * * * *

Davy managed to get through exactly five and a half beers and several shots of Iolaus's rum without incident, before, well, there was an incident. One of the girls in the slinky slip-dresses sidled up to Iolaus, a simpering, drunken smile on her face. "Hi there, you big hottie, you wanna dance?"

Davy started to snicker into his beer. He clapped his hand over his mouth, but his face was flaming red, and his wings and shoulders were shaking. He couldn't recall ever being quite this drunk before. "Big hottie?" he gasped, and then continued giggling helplessly.

Io glared at him, then turned back to the girl. "I'm sorry, sweetie," he said, in a cheerful lisp, giving the girl a sweet smile, "but I'm with him." He gestured with a thumb over his shoulder at the giggling vampire. Davy's eyes went wide, and he started to choke. Iolaus pounded him on the back. "Are you okay, honey?" he asked, innocently, the very picture of tender loving concern. He laid his massive horned head on Davy's shoulder, and heaved a dramatic sigh.

"Aw..." the girl said, and she tugged at her companion's arm. As the two girls moved away in search of new prey, he distinctly heard one tell the other, "See? I told you they were gay."

Bernard the bartender actually stopped what he was doing for a moment, and stared. "Oh, now that's messed up." He grinned and went back to mixing drinks. "Look who just got kicked outta da closet. All the time you been hangin' here, an' you never let it slip. You had me thinkin' you was the only straight vamp in New York. Damn, I thought you was my boy, Sartain."

"That's it!" Davy lurched up out of his stool, nearly knocking it over. "We're outta here." He tossed a twenty on the counter, for a tip, and grabbing Iolaus by the arm, he dragged the evilly grinning incubus out of the bar, down the alley, and out onto the busy, bustling sidewalk. People brushed by them on all sides, and the pair backed up to a sheltering doorway of a closed corner grocery, out of the flow of human traffic.

"What?" Iolaus said, still grinning. "Did you want me to go with them? You're giving me all kinds of mixed messages here. You should be praising my faithfulness."

"You are a very, very, wicked... incubus...." Davy said, wagging his finger at him. He shook his head. Now that he'd gotten up and started moving, he could really feel the effects of all the drinks he'd been putting away. "Whoa..."

"Hey, are you okay?" Iolaus laid a hand on the wavering vampire's shoulder.

Davy shrugged his hand away. "I'm fine... but I should prob - probub - I need to go home."

"Why don't you come back to my place? It's closer - and it looks like rain now." It was true. Davy could feel the pressure dropping, could feel the moisture in the air, could even smell it mingled with the stench of exhaust, and urine, and warm, living, sweaty bodies, and greasy food from the vender carts. His stomach started to feel queasy. He shook his head, and nearly lost his balance.

"I can make it."

"Are you sure? Do you want me to go with you?"

"I'm a big boy now. I know the way." He spread his wings. It took him two tries to get into the air - he barely made it the second time. Io watched him narrowly avoid running headlong into a protruding awning, spin out of control, and then drop back to the sidewalk, in an awkward heap, about ten feet away from where he started. "Damn!"

"You know, it would really suck if you ended the day by going 'splat' on somebody's windshield," snickered Iolaus.

"Oh, shut up," the drunken vampire muttered, staggering to his feet.

"Don't tell me to shut up, I'm trying to help you. Come on." Iolaus gave him a hand up, and the vampire left his wings half-spread for balance, as he stood there, swaying. "You're coming home with me. Think you can walk? I don't think trying to fly is a good idea."

"I don't wanna go home wi' you... you're gonna do 'orrible things to me."

"Oh I will not! Don't you trust me at all?"

"I trust you with my life... but not wi' my ass."

"Wise ass. I've a mind to just leave you here on the street."

"No... don't do that, Iolaush... I'm very sorry..."

"Yeah, you look sorry." They struggled to cross the street, didn't quite make it before the light changed. The honking began. "Oh, shut up!" Iolaus snarled, as he half-carried, half-dragged the protesting vampire to safety. Davy groaned and slapped his hands over his ears to drown out the horns.

A growly fellow in a baseball cap stuck his head out of the car. "Come on, better move it - damn faeries!"

"I'm not gay," Davy slurred as Iolaus dragged him up on the curb.

"I don't think that's what he meant, sweetheart." He rolled his eyes. "When you get paranoid about something, you just don't let go, do you?"


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A Little Fun with Davy and Io © 2001 by KL Gaffney

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